Tuesday, October 28, 2008

BLESSED

...This weekend is coming up very quick. Declan is turning one on Sunday, November 2nd. I do not know whether to be happy or cry...

I remember last year...quite clearly and it kind of scares me and makes me want to tear up and roll into a ball. I can not help but blame myself sometimes and wonder what I shoud have done different.
Dez, my sister, called me on November 1st--last year- to see how my doctor appointment was. She told me that one of Geoff's really good friends that he grew up with had a baby in July, four weeks early from due date...and then Died on October 28th 2007- a year ago today...only lived to be three months sadly.

Declan was five weeks early so you could only realize what was going through my head. I know Dez did not tell me that story to scare me- but I think that knowing that their little one was born four weeks early and mine five...that I am very lucky because it could have easily gone the other way. It was all so-I don't know how to describe it. Awakening I guess I would say. Life is precious and a miracle. I can not even grasp all the emotions that were going on last year. I was in shock when my water broke and I was not quite sure if that was the real thing. I know I probably scared Kris half to death when I called and said, "My water broke and we're on our way to Rock Springs Hospital."

But at the same time...I never really had a bad feeling, that I was going to loose my little one. Though I thought it, but in my heart I knew that everything was going to be okay, and Heavenly Father was truly answering prayers and watching over us. Heavenly Father gave me strength to even get up and to not think about myself, but about a life that was given to me that has given me such joy.

It was not to joyful of a experience at first though. When I had Declan there was just one more baby born that day in the Rock Springs hospital and it died. Then, when we took life flight the very next day, the 3rd. We stayed the night in a "Parents Room" at the University Hospital. Right when we got there and talked to the Doctors about Decaln, next door to us was a young mother, and many family members sobbing because they just watched their baby die. I was overwhelmed and was sorry for them. The little cousins to the baby that died were right in front of Kris and I asking their grandpa, "Why did the baby have to die?" Talk about heart-wrenching.

All the things that little Declan had to go through is unbearable to look back on.
I remember how hard it was to change his clothes, diaper, to even hold him because of all the tubes and wires. It was horrible. When Declan got the tube pulled out that was helping him breath--he was trying to cry and couldn't because the tube had been down his throat for so long and made his throat sore, that he could not make a sound. It hurt so bad to look at his face in pain and mouth move and could see him crying, but with no sound. I could not help but put my face down because there was nothing I could do for him.

I recently made a DVD slide show of Declan first year and I am showing it for his birthday party. I asked all my family members to send me all the pictures that they had of Declan; which I had plenty of now, but I really wanted early ones. I got a picture from Becky's-my sister in law- phone. It was a picture of my dad and Kris's dad in the room in the Hospital looking down at Declan. It touched my heart and...I'm tearing up just thinking about it. I just can not tell/write how grateful I am for the priesthood and the blessings of a unbelievable family. I know with all my heart that Declan is here because of the blessing that we have of the Priesthood and the Authority that our wonderful Husbands and Fathers hold and are given by our Lord.

Kris gave me a blessing right before I gave birth to Declan. Then as soon as Declan was born, Kris gave Declan one. Though I did not get to witness Kris giving Declan a blessing, I know that the spirit was their. What an amazing husband I have. I am truly thankful and grateful beyond words. I am especially thankful for my Heavenly Father for blessing me to be a mom, and that Declan is strong and healthy now...

What a wonderful year it has been. I was challenged and tested in many ways. I have a healthy son. I have a strong loving worthy husband. I have a roof above my head. A job that I can have Delcan at. Transport. Food. Family. Gospel...and it's all because of my Father in Heaven. How blessed I am...

Footprints in the Sand:


One night I dreamed of walking along the shores of different lands.I could tell that You were with me by the footprints in the sand.As I gazed upon the heavens, I saw pages of my life.It was then I realized that You remained there by my side.When the clouds began to gather and the rains came falling down,I looked to only find one set of footprints on the ground.I said, "Lord, why did You leave me in the troubled times of life?I believed that You would always walk beside me day and night." (Then I heard:)"My precious child, I'd never leave you.I have carved you on the hollow of My hand.It's then I carried you in My arms,When you see one set of footprints in the sand"Dear Lord, will You be with me as I travel through the years?Will You be there in the struggles? Will You wipe away the tears?As my eyes turn toward the ocean and the shores of distant lands,I'm still thinking of the single set of footprints in the sand. (I heard Him say:)"My precious child, I'd never leave you.I have carved you on the hollow of My hand.It's then I carried you in My arms,When you see one set of footprints in the sand."Will I hear the angels singing, as my life comes to an end.Oh Lord, I long to see You. Will You be there once again?My eyes turn toward the heavens, along the path of foreign lands,Once more, I'm thinking of the set of footprints in the sand. (Jesus said:)"My precious child, I'd never leave you.See your name carved on the hollow of My hand.I'm here to carry you to your home.You will see one set of footprints in the sand.
I know, for one, that I was carried...
especially through this...

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

I'VE BEEN TAGGED BY THREE PEOPLE...

First Tag by: Erica Broadbent....and then, the third by Becky Robinson, tagged me with the same thing...

The Rules:
Link the Person who Tagged you.
Mention rules on your blog.
Tell about 6 quirks of yours.
Tag 6 fellow bloggers to do the same.

Number 1:
I dislike drunk people...Working here at the Motel, and having a bar right next door says it all. People who are drunk do not quite know what they are doing, or are very smart for that matter. Sure they are funny sometimes, but most of the time they are-to be blunt- STUPID. They always come over to the Motel and ring the buzzer in the middle of the night and keep ringing the buzzer so it scares the dogs and they bark and Declan wakes up and I get very irritated. So, I come out to see who it is. They are drunk. I am not the friendliest at this point for them not reading the big sign that says, "RING BUZZER ONCE PLEASE" and tell them to go away, I have no rooms. Which sometimes I do, but why give away a room to a drunk couple when they are probably going to ruin the room???

Number 2:
I hate-hate talking on the phone. I'd much rather write someone an email or text--or talk face to face. The silent moments are just--very awkward. I do not talk that much anyways. Short conversations are fine, but...just not a big caller. I don't mind people calling me, but I hardily ever call someone to just see what's going on. :]

Number 3:
I do not like seeing people bite ice cream, pop cycles, knifes/utincils, scrapping something with your fingernails and making an awful noise...It makes my teeth/mouth hurt. OUCH!! Thinking about it I cringe.

Number 4:
I have OCD--in many ways...Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. When people come to my house I have a rug in the middle in front of my couches. Well, if they move the rug, make it bubble, bend it over...I will ask them to pick up their feet so I can move it and straighten it. I usually do this with family. But if someone just comes over really quick I try not to say anything, bite my tongue and think about fixing it the whole time until they leave...I also do not like crumbs on the floor. It bugs me. I vacuum all the time, everyday. I dust everyday. I bet I go over with a quick vacuum almost 5-10 times a day. I have routines in the morning that I have to do every morning with cleaning before Declan gets up. Then I have a routine at night with cleaning after Declan goes to sleep. I am not full blown, but I do like certain things done, and certain things straight and tidy for me not to be up-tight. If some things are not done, I can not rest I would just think about it until the mess is fixed or whatever needs clean is done...

Number 5:
In contrast to my OCD...I hate-hate folding clothes and putting them away. Sure I'll wash the clothes and fold them and put them in a basket...but it takes me forever to finally put away in drawers or hang up (???--weird). Also, I hate having dishes in the sink so I will hurry and spray them off and put them in the washer (in a row-by colors-certain order) and wait til' it fills up to clean them, but again-it takes me forever to finally put away... ???

Number 6:
I like to groom people. My husband, family. It's kind of weird. If you need me to tweeze your eye brows, I will. If you need me to get a zit or black head on your back/face, I will. If you need a sliver pulled out, I will. If you need me to clean an infected area with puss, I will. I'm a groomer...can't help it. *my husband's not a fan of the zit part* (sorry if I got to graphic--just being honest) :]


Second Tag by: Donetta Egbert
8 TV Shows I love to WATCH:
1-HOUSE
2-BONES
3-SIMPSONS
4-BIGGEST LOOSER
5-AMERICAN IDOL
6-TIL' DEATH
7-MONK
8-NANNY

8 Things that happened YESTERDAY:
1-KRIS AND HIS TWIN KALAB'S 27TH BIRTHDAY!!! *started this blog almost a week ago--MY BAD*
2-WENT TO COYOTE CREEK...delicious crab legs and steak, thanks mom and dad for paying.
3-Waited for UPS to show up and drop off Kris last present, a creeper...(you lay on it to go under cars and work on cars)
4-Decorated the office in HALLOWEEN!!!
5-Fed Declan, fed Declan, fed Declan, fed Declan...OH! I fed Declan...changed his diaper here and there and played here and there...put him to sleep here and there...
6-Shampooed some spot on the carpet, no thanks to my two English bulldogs Mirra and Moose.
7-Got the ice machine upstairs in the Motel fixed!!!
8-Worked out in the morning to my DVD of Julian Michaels from Biggest Looser. She kicks your butt!!

8 Favorite places to EAT:
1-Bonsai
2-Olive Garden
3-Famous Dave's
4-Coyote Creek
5-Don Pedros
6-Cracker Barrel
7-Subway
8-Pizza Hut

8 Things I am looking FORWARD TO:
1-Declan's first Halloween dressed up (between Dronkey and Giraffe...thank you all who made a comment on here or email)
2-Declan's first BIRTHDAY on November 2nd.
3-THANKSGIVING...word speaks for itself
4-Taking Declan to get pictures after he turns ONE
5-Going to bed every night :]
6-Seeing Kris whenever he gets home everyday
7-TWILIGHT MOVIE!!!! LOVE THE BOOKS!!!
8-Harry Potter MOVIE!!!

8 Things on my WISH LIST:
1-LOOSE at least 30 more POUNDS...Already lost 30...
2-Be more confident
3-Get started on Declan's book (scrap booking)
4-A nice Camera, and video Camera
5-That my mom and dad will stay strong and that this trial will pass and people will move on and quit being so heartless and judgmental...and assume without the KNOWING.
6-Living in a house someday with a yard for kid(s), family, and my stinky dogs
7-Always be around FAMILY
8-For Dez to get pregnant or adopt and Chase to be happily married someday.

---Well, I think I've blabbed enough...Anyone who needs to update your blog...do one of these if you haven't...I hope you didn't get too bored :]