I guess I'll just start from the beginning. Bare with me...I am sure I'll ramble and this will not be short. I want to write all that I remembered and felt until now:
At the end of July Kris was sent to work in Rifle Colorado for three weeks. Kris was there for only three days when I got a call at the Office, Motel phone. Kris said, "You want to go on a vacation?" I said, "Can you hold for a minute...a customer's is coming into the office." So I put Kris on hold. After I was done helping the customer Kris had already hung up. I tried calling him back, but he did not answer. He then called me back a few minutes later. He said again:
Kris: "Would you like to go on a little vacation fairly soon?"
I hated this moment, it really made me sick to my stomach
The second night was NOT any better...
Kris worked so hard to get this back. It was our main focus to even be in rehab. Kris was getting pretty frustrated with himself. He was pretty down on himself and this whole situation for the first time. Kris does not express his feelings often, or at all for that matter. He was so upset that he actually cried. I have NEVER seen Kris cry for anything. I was shocked and did not know how to take it. I went blank. He said, "This has really been horrible. I never realized it would be this hard. The first night after surgery I thought I was dead. You were gone doing something. I couldn't talk. I thought I was dead because no one was checking on me, and no one could hear me. It was the worst feeling I ever had. I thought I was gone." I started crying...because he kept giving me lectures everyday before this "You can't cry until I cry." I honestly never thought the day would come for me to see him cry like this. I do not want to see it again. He cried for quite awhile and he said "I think the tumor was blocking my emotions, and it is letting all the years that have built up out right now." ahahha!!! Always makes a laugh out of everything.
Then after working so hard, and telling him he could do it and it was going to happen, just would take time...it happend. The speech therapyst was great and showed him some tricks and gave him confidence. From then on he was eating like a champ. He was happy again.
With all this improvement and him eating it was time to go home. You heal faster at home anyways...and it was time to be back with our boys. We headed home the morning of September 1st. He was one day shy of being in the hospital for a total of 2 weeks. This was nothing short of anything other than a Miracle.
The surgery alone is proof that the Priesthood Blessings , Prayer, Faith, Fasting was heard and answered. He was walking. He was talking. He was swallowing. He was healing more and more everyday to be back to the Kris we know and love. Where the tumor was located was scary enough alone if I ponder about it. It was located by all the nerves on the right side of his neck, at the base of the skull and was entering his brain. They had to removed it on his jugular, VERY TOUCHY, VERY SCARY. They had to CUT into his skull and had to go into his brain sack to remove some of the tumor. They had to remove it touching his tongue nerve, his facial nerve, his swallowing nerve, his eye nerve. It was in a DANGEROUS spot.
Kris's permanent side affect is his hearing of coarse... but it also did affect his facial nerve causing some paralysis. They expect that to come back by 6 months or more, and it is. He just has to really focus on closing his right eye. Then when he talks only the left side of his face moves. So when you see him smile, it's a half smile :) And when he puckers up for a kiss only his left side kisses :) Then to top it off his double vision went away COMPLETELY. He is wearing glasses until his eye closes better, but he says his vision is back to normal. I am so happy to hear this!! He is a little weak/shakey, and gets tired easy, but even that is getting better and better.
Since being home he has been eating non-stop, and it has been great to see him get back to where he was. From September 1st, he went home at high 130's, to his appointments on September 20th he was 167!! haha... He said, "I think I've lost my button where I feel full, because I never feel full anymore." He definitely showed that when we ate at Red Lobster that night and he ate Soup, Salad, 80 shrimp, bread, pasta...I love it. He needs it. He is healthy and active. He's always been a eater.
We were told at those pre-op appointments by his Cancer doctor, Dr. Hunt, that Proton Radiation would be the next step and best option. Though they have removed all visible parts of the tumor, they want to make sure this is under control and do all they can for it to not grow back. He recommended Boston.
Kris and I flew out to Boston on Saturday, October 1st, and this is where I am writing this whole thing. In Boston, at the Hotel. We have met with 2 doctors here, and it sounds like they think this is the best thing to do as well. We are actually flying back home tomorrow, and Kris will come back in three weeks(something like that) for the Proton Radiation Treatment. Insurance has to clear, and they have to get things ready. It has been overwhelming to plan, get ready, get tossed around doctor to doctor...and crazy to think we're actually in Boston to further help Kris. His treatment will most likely be 6 weeks, 5 days a week, and it only takes 15 minutes each time. Pretty crazy. The reason for this radiation is because it does not go through the whole body. It just focuses on THE SPOT/AREA; which is best for this touchy area. His side affects are: Tired, Sun burn affect in that area, and he will lose his hair in only that area. He shouldn't be nauseous/sick, which is a huge plus.
I just want to let you all know(if you are reading this or not) that I am truly thankful for YOU ALL. This whole thing has opened my eyes and heart. You never know what life will bring you. I would lie if I say I have been positive the whole time. I have had my moments(mostly in my own head and to myself), but I keep being brought back to realize why we are here on earth. We are giving a body, given a life, given talents, traits, given the choice to take what life throws at you and how you take it. I know my Heavenly Father has heard me, and has been by my side. I know I have been carried when I did not want to wake up...or speak... I know the spirit has calmed me and has made me realize that I need to Trust myself, and I need to know that I am a daughter of God and I need to turn to him more often. I know my prayers and prayers from others have TRULY helped us get through this. There is no doubt in my mind.
I have been given many blessing from Kris that have given me comfort. Kris has had blessings. His parents have had blessings. All of them have left us with a good spirit and a good feeling of outcome. My brother Chase was actually out in Green River right before the surgery. He came out from New York for a few to visit with all of the family. I felt an impression as we were saying goodbye, and I asked him to give me a blessing. He of coarse said "Yes." One part that sticks out most in the blessing was "You will be the closest you have ever been to your Heavenly Father during this time..." I know I have. It feels wonderful. I feel like I lost myself there for a bit. I have learned so much...I have experienced so much... I pray I never forget.
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is the true church here on earth. It has all the keys for us to return to our Father in Heaven. It has a True and Living Prophet who leads and guides us during these times. I am grateful I have it. I am grateful for the knowledge that I have, and that I keep learning and growing from life--even if it seems too much. I know Kris is here today because of the blessings and testimonies of all of you. I am grateful for your prayers. I am thankful for you and your Faith. I thank my Heavenly Father, I thank my Savior, and I'm grateful for the Holy Ghost that continues to be with me even when I am not aware or listening to the still small voice.
Something really hit hard, I think my sister told me this about a month ago that she heard from Church one Sunday...
I know He has heard me...